


The Great Coffee Debate

by IantosCoffeeIsTheBest



Category: Ianto Jones - Fandom, Owanto, Owen Harper - Fandom, Torchwood
Genre: IM's, Instant Messenger, Other, Skype Messages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1599014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IantosCoffeeIsTheBest/pseuds/IantosCoffeeIsTheBest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Owen messages Ianto to make him a coffee. Ianto goes into too much detail about beans, milk, sugar ect. See how Owen copes. We all know how much Ianto loves his Coffee!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Coffee Debate

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'm gunna start posting some of my fics on here...if you wanna check out the rest search 'Ianto'sCoffeeMinion' on fanfiction.net

TheGoodDoctor: Ianto mate, can you make me some coffee?

FrothyCoffee: Yes, of course. What would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: A coffee, I just said.

FrothyCoffee: I know that, I mean what type of coffee would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: One with caffeine?

FrothyCoffee: All coffees have caffeine in them Owen…unless its decaf, which still contains some remnants of caffeine but not as much as a regular coffee. Still effective though. Although I prefer good old Arabica beans!

TheGoodDoctor: What? I dunno what you're going on about, I just want a bloody coffee! Is that so much to ask for?

FrothyCoffee: I was simply informing you of the types of coffee beans used with non-decaf coffee.

TheGoodDoctor: Right. Can I just have a coffee? Please?

FrothyCoffee: And once again I ask. What TYPE of coffee would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: Whaddya mean? The coffee you always bring me!

FrothyCoffee: Yes, I know, but maybe you'd like to try something different. For instance, Tosh has a double shot vanilla latte, extra froth, extra hot. Gwen has a flat white. Jack has an Americano with whole milk and a dash of caramel. I favour the caramel macchiato, what would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: I don't care about all the types of ponsey coffee! Just bring me some will ya! I'm half asleep down here!

FrothyCoffee: Then in that case I would suggest a espresso shot, although I doubt you'd drink it. I wouldn't want to waste my new Jamaica Blue Mountain beans, you'd probably spit it on the floor, which id have to clean up, might I add. I could add a dash of milk to it, and tonnes of sugar (ruining the taste of my beans). I guess I'll just give a cappuccino with the regular beans?

TheGoodDoctor: Your talkin a loada bollox mate, just bring me my coffee down before I go ransack your machine and make one myself!

FrothyCoffee: You wouldn't dare!

TheGoodDoctor: I would, if I don't get my coffee soon! Jeez, a tea-boy who won't bring me my coffee.

FrothyCoffee: I'm not a tea-boy, that would imply I serve everyone tea. Which I don't, unless it Tosh's green/flavoured tea that I tend to crack out when she's on a detox.

TheGoodDoctor: Right, whatever, going to your coffee machine now. Any last words?

FrothyCoffee: Noooo! I'm making your coffee now! Would you like a cappuccino?

TheGoodDoctor: Cuppuccino's are for girls!

FrothyCoffee: Just a minute ago you said 'get me anything'…

TheGoodDoctor: Anything apart from a pussey drink!

FrothyCoffee: A latte then?

TheGoodDoctor: That sounds too girley…What does Jack drink?

FrothyCoffee: I just told you earlier, an Americano.

TheGoodDoctor: Haha! Nice one that, what's that like?

FrothyCoffee: It's basically an espresso shot with hot water…

TheGoodDoctor: I'll have that then!

FrothyCoffee: With or without milk?

TheGoodDoctor: I dunno. I'm quite busy, can you just make me my damn drink already!

FrothyCoffee: It's a simple question Owen. Would you like me to add milk or not?

TheGoodDoctor: Yeah! Alright, milk!

FrothyCoffee: Skimmed, semi-skimmed, whole, or soy?

TheGoodDoctor: What!?

FrothyCoffee: What type of milk would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: Oh god! How can anyone be this picky about a flippin coffee!

FrothyCoffee: I'm not a mind reader! You could be lactose intolerant for all I know!

TheGoodDoctor: We'll I haven't complained about milk before, have i?

FrothyCoffee: That is also true. So, what milk? I assume no soy, unless you would like to cut down on your lactose in-take for some reason. Although soy milk does make a considerably lighter and frothier froth.

TheGoodDoctor: It's like talking to a brick wall!

FrothyCoffee: Well answer my question then!

TheGoodDoctor: WHOLE MILK! Happy?

FrothyCoffee: You sure, whole milk is creamier and might disguise the rich taste of the new blend I have. It's also higher in fat. How do you feel about cholesterol Owen?

TheGoodDoctor: Fuck sake! Skimmed milk then!

FrothyCoffee: Mm, that's basically just half watered down and you're going to have a substantial amount of water in your Americano anyway.

TheGoodDoctor: Give me whole milk then!

FrothyCoffee: Oh, no. Its okay, I've already started to froth the skimmed.

TheGoodDoctor: Well what you moaning about then?

FrothyCoffee: I'm not 'moaning' Owen. I'm just giving you the best option possible.

TheGoodDoctor: Yeah, for a shittin coffee!

FrothyCoffee: How dare you insult my coffee like that! DE-CAF.

TheGoodDoctor: Oh come on, I didn't mean It like that. I just want a coffee.

FrothyCoffee: Alright, I'll forgive you this once.

TheGoodDoctor: Good.

FrothyCoffee: Now, how many sugars?

TheGoodDoctor: My usual.

FrothyCoffee: Okay 6. What sugar would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: OH FOR GOD SAKE! ANY!

FrothyCoffee: I have brown, white, and sweetener. Have you tried sweetener Owen?

TheGoodDoctor: White. And no. It gives you cancer, I'ts all chemicals. Very unhealthy.

FrothyCoffee: Mmm, that is true. Okay. Your 6 sugared Americano with a dash of skimmed milk is nearly ready. Ill bring it to you in a second.

TheGoodDoctor: Thank fuck for that.

FrothyCoffee: What mug would you like?

TheGoodDoctor: FUCK OFF.

FrothyCoffee: Well that wasn't very pleasant.


End file.
